Resources for Grieving

Tools for the Grief Journey

How can we use the tools of PsyCap to become more skilled at grieving?

A skill is a mental capacity to make distinctions. (Ayto, 2011, pg 480)

Learning to use tools to navigate grief skillfully means learning to recognize the kinds of griefs in our lives, the stage(s) we might find ourselves in, and activating the HERO inside us to help us on the journey. Skills require continuous work. So, skilling our grieving requires that we continue to work on ways to grieve in a healthy way. HERO helps us do that.

Activities to Refill Your HERO Reservoir

Practicing Hope

Hope can be developed through:

  • successfully reaching performance goals. Performance goals are SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-based).  
  • setting stretch goals. Stretch goals are “. . . difficult enough to stimulate your excitement and exploration and yet you feel that they are within your reach” (Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 18). Stretch goals are goals that take you out of your comfort zone but feel doable. They are challenging, but achievable.

Hope is strengthened each time you set a goal, large or small and reach it.

Having hope is a choice.  

Continuously choosing hope will strengthen your automatic response to hope. Practice willpower and waypower in little things and hope will be easier to find in the bigger things.

Practicing Efficacy

Efficacy can be developed “through mastery experiences . . . Breaking down complex tasks into successful sub-components” (Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 18). 

  • Be specific about what is going well.
  • Celebrate your strengths and practice using them to reach your goals.
  • Specifically name a strength when giving a compliment or celebrating your own accomplishments.
  • Be gentle to yourself. 

(Self-Efficacy, Communiqué Handout, 2010)

As efficacy is developed, evaluated, redeveloped, and reevaluated, it becomes more robust, and the perception that you have the skills to cope with the stresses and griefs of life is strengthened.  

Practicing Resiliency

Resiliency can be developed when you: 

  • Make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out; 
  • Encourage a positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities; 
  • Practice skills in communication and problem solving; and
  • manage strong feelings and impulses 

(Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p. 7)

If you know your strengths, lean on them in difficult times.  

When faced with a problem: Clearly state the problem and ask ‘how’ questions. Decide what concrete skills are needed to tackle the issue at hand. If you don’t see them in yourself, ask for help. Figure out what works best for you and what doesn’t. Remember, it’s ok to make mistakes!  Mistakes show us what works and what doesn’t (Tartakovsky, 2013).

Practicing Optimism

Striving to become more lenient with the past, more appreciative of the present, and to begin seeking future opportunities will help you develop optimism. (Luthans, Avolio, & Avey, 2007, p 20)  

Optimism is seeing the thorns and the flowers and enjoying the flowers.

Cholla cactus in bloom in my yard.

You can help others activate their HERO during grief by:

  • show up at their house/apartment (Hope)
  • drop off a meal (Optimism)
  • help them clean (Resiliency)
  • fill their fridge with healthy food (Efficacy)
  • Open the curtains and blinds and lift up the windows to let the air in (Optimism)
  • Help then do their laundry (Resiliency)
  • Make them a playlist of songs they like (Hope)
  • Send them a care package (HERO)
  • Load a digital picture frame with photos of happy memories and people who love them (Optimism)
  • Give them all the ingredients for a meal, ready to put together (Efficacy)
  • Take them to get manicures (Hope)
  • Text someone once a week without expecting a response (HERO)

These HERO actions are ideas from Mel Robbins book, “Let Them”.

In our grief experiences, we can nurture hope by practicing willpower and waypower thinking. We can nurture efficacy by practicing ways to strengthen our belief in our capabilities. We can nurture resiliency by practicing ways to pull ourselves together and bounce back. We can nurture optimism by practicing ways to have a positive attitude despite the circumstances.